DEAVUNTAE💔

No one ever realized how bad i was hurt. No one understood what i was feeling. Everyday i hated living and wanted to kill myself. I felt like i had no escape. I was lost in my own thoughts. I cried because no one accepted me and understood me. I prayed that things would get better. I know sometimes i say things that you probably wouldn’t understand or get but they were cries for help. I was ignored for days, used for my money….. my heart was abused, my feelings was hurt. I told you how i felt and you ignored me. I told you there was something wrong with me and you thought i was crazy. I was sad for a long time. I thought you loved me, i really did. I thought you really wanted to be “bestfriends” . You broke my heart I didn’t even know who i was mad at. I don’t understand you, i never did. I was so afraid of you, i still am. The words you said to me was always sweet but deep down they hurt because you never meant them. You said you loved me but it was all lies. “Down for life” you say but we ended like it was nothing. Now we’re nothing. You never really knew when you was hurting my feelings i was just so good at hiding it. You asked me was it directly at you and i told you no because i knew you would hate me and never wanna speak to me again. You made me feel the worst without knowing it. I was so scared to tell you my feelings even though you knew i liked you.. i loved you alot. You made me suicidal. I did think about killing myself sometimes because i knew that no one would ever care if i did. Not even my own family, not even you. As of today we are no longer speaking and you don’t care about me but i want you to know that you were never a “real” man…. you said this and that but just left me broken. You used me for my money, my nudes, my heart my everything.. idk how to feel towards you. You unfollowed me on everything just to watch me on Snapchat and ignore my messages. I asked you why and you didn’t say anything. If you felt some type of way towards me , you should have said something… but thats your problem, you dont like communication. You never say what you need to. You just let me fall into your trap … and that girl .. she’s fucking stupid … i hope you don’t last, not because of jealousy but because you don’t deserve her. I know what happened between us but i wouldn’t doubt her… I wouldn’t judge cause i was once that girl except you didnt love me back. You lied. Your so good at that shit, so good at making me feel vulnerable. I won’t blame you for everything but you made me feel everything.. every bad feeling. I felt dead most of the days. I wanted your attention but like i was dead and felt nothing. My heart was gone. My mind was filled with suicidal thoughts and how i could escape this… escape you . I was in love with you for 4 years. I even said i was gonna marry you because i felt like we we’re meant to be. I was 14 and so fucking dumb. I had so many dreams about you and they were always weird. I never understood them. If I would have known that you was gonna pull that shit i would have done everything you asked me too .. I would have kissed you and had sex with you. I would have gave you my whole body but im glad i didnt cause then i would for sure have pulled the trigger. You are my trigger. My worries, my pain. You left me alone for a girl that was just as vulnerable as me… but you treat her better because you love her. I can’t judge but im glad you found someone who gives you the joy I didnt. You didnt like my shyness I guess it was a burden for you. A burden that you just couldn’t seem to get it to go away. Thats because you never genuinely wanted anything with me besides my body and i knew that but i still gave into it. If you really wanted me maybe i would have been less shy but I wasn’t because i knew deep down you was a fraud. I hate that we don’t speak anymore but the shit you did to me was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you, i tried to stop thinking about you but you never go away. The pain never goes away…. nothing does