It’s been a while since I’ve been on here….. Its been a rough month. My neice passed away in February 20, 2020 at 4:07pm. I never felt nothing worse than this. My whole lofe stopped, i stopped everything. I didn’t know how to feel when I got the news. My heart felt like it stopped. Once the doctors came in and my momma told me, I bursted into tears. I still think about it everyday. I never thought i would have to see my neice in a casket. She looked so different, she felt different. She didn’t have a smell, she was just there … “sleeping”. I didn’t know how to feel…still to this I don’t. I miss her so much, i wish this shit never happened. I honestly don’t even care if my life ended. I’m that desperate to get rid of this pain. The funeral was harder than anything i had to face. I thought long and hard about going. But she was my first neice , my first child. She would be glad that i went. I praised danced with my 2 sisters and cousin. I was nervous but deep down I felt okay but it was for her. I was scared the first couple of days about dancing because it’s a funeral…. dancing at a funeral…. but I knew i had to do it. I touched her hand, arm and face. Her skin felt different. The last day i seen her was March 6, 2020 which was the day of her dove release. That day was a crazy ass day. I didn’t cry that day because I felt like the funeral took all the tears i had. I literally was in shock and just felt.. dead idk. The dove release was beautiful, i never seen a dove before and it was so soft and white. She living in that dove. She was free.
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