Sometimes I feel like a fool I get so scared so nervous so anxious to tell him like sometimes I wish that I could just be more social more open but it’s hard because when you miss someone and you want to tell them it’s hard because you don’t know what their gonna say especially depending on the relationship it’s hard because I don’t like being ignored , I don’t like overthinking stuff but that’s all I do. I wish we could change some stuff I wish We could fix our friendship sometimes I feel like I’m losing you sometimes I feel like we’re falling off sometimes I get scared because I feel like one day you’re not gonna be there and I don’t want it I don’t wanna think about it but that’s just what it feels like , it feel like some days when We don’t talk I see you is just like “talk to me” like in my head I’m just like please say something please talk to me even though I would be nervous and scared like please just say something I know he’s not like blowing me off he’s not thinking how Im thinking he’s not like you know like “oh my God I miss you” he doesn’t think that way you know…… you know what i mean its so different I like he doesnt know that i think that way he doesnt know that im like “ omgg hii i miss you” he doesnt know that, he can’t tell that and I’m not gonna tell him that because like I cant I’m scared it’s too hard it shouldn’t be that way but it is it should never be hard. You should ever be scared but it’s like this sometimes And I don’t like it I don’t wanna be scared to tell you but I’m just scared to tell you I don’t ever wanna lose you ,I don’t ever want to have to face that whether it is over something stupid or you pass away just I never want to have to never see you again if that makes sense
I’m so caught up on our history and our friendship background it is just like why would why would I want to lose that ? What he wanna lose that ?we both learned from each other I know that we both were there for each other some of that and I love him like a brother but I treat him like he something else but I treat him like he’s almost my boyfriend or you know something else….. so close like family but relationship wise we are nor family its just different and honestly I could say I’ve never felt like this with anyone else
He even told me that you can’t just say that I’m a different Nigga no I can’t say that you are different and I’m glad that you are. there guys who you had similarities with but wont ever be you so glad they’re not. I miss those days where It was every day now it’s every other day……. I wish please some days im like “omg talk to me and you dont and it makes me feel ashamed. I can’t blame you for that because I know what happened we both know what happened between the years we both don’t know what happened it is like you can’t just be mad because we both know and I wish we could change that I wish that we could go back and fix it but we cant. that’s the hard part knowing that you can’t go back and every day i sit and think about it like sheeesh can we have please have went and did something? I know its not just on me , it feels like its just on me but i know its not. Because he could have went and did something and I know he tried I know I can’t sit there and lie I know he tried I know he did and I was a fool at times but he was a fool too, we both had an impact on it, it’s just like why ? can we just please fix this please? Please ……. but Im scared that’s the only thing. If I wasn’t so scared I would’ve said something already. I just wish that we could actually talk face-to-face talk about it ….just fix it
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